Slut shame
by butihavenoname
Summary: Somehow I've found myself at fault, well not to me, but to everyone else. I've never been a fan of attention, but now I have too much, and of the unwanted kind. OOCness. Eventual GrimmIchi.
1. Abuse is gentle

yo this is kinda important because I feel that a lot of people go through shit because of silly things.

I was laying in my bed just staring dumbly at the ceiling, my alarm went off five minutes ago but I've been awake much more than those measly five minutes. Should I or should I not go to school today? No, no I can't do that to goatface, he paid a lot of money to get me into that prestigious stuck up school. He won't even barge into my room and surprise attack me anymore. But I get that, You've discovered your son's sexual orientation via a link to Youtube, which let's be honest, isn't the best way to find out. So I understand his necessity for space when it comes to his only son. I let a tired groan out of my mouth and get up, let's get this day over with. My dad is working early again, so I'm glad I wouldn't have to see his tired and distressed face to greet me in this far too sunny morning. I make myself a sandwich and stuff it into my bag, I take my cigarettes and pull one out with my teeth as I close the door and make my way to school on my bike.  
"here we go..."  
I whisper to myself with a sigh as I walk through the gates, already getting some side glances and snickers from some people around. But it's cool, I ignore them, they're just thirsty for something exciting to happen in their boring ass lives, and what's more exciting than to find out that the weird orange haired kid that doesn't talk much likes dick, plus that it's on tape for everyone to see. Parties are supposed to be fun right? I sit in my chair and wait for class to start, looking outside the window so I could better ignore everyone around me. But I guess that isn't a fat hint for my unwillingness for interaction as I though it was.  
"Yo, strawberry, how're ya doin' this fine morning?"  
I sigh heavily and answer the annoying insect without looking "what do you want Ginjou?"  
"Ooh, I see you're feisty today, I like that. Now how about you an' me get to someplace quiet so I could see how that mouth of yours works first hand aye?" He drawls out and I could hear some laughter flowing around the classroom. My stomach became hot, no matter what I do, I still get pissed when fuckboys like Ginjou think they're hot shit to me, I remember pummeling his stupid greaser face into the ground in junior high, he wouldn't come back to school for a week.  
"Sorry, just thinking about your face makes my dick flaccid." I bite back and the fucker just stands there, with his mouth open. Ah yes, it was high time that fuckboy remembered he does not fuck with a lion, even if it's outnumbered.  
"oh yeah? Then you better go back to shoving cocks down your throat Kurosaki." he sneered and then bent over so he could spit in my face "you're nothing."  
I rolled my eyes so he would see how much I cared about what thinks, and try to stop myself from mashing my fist into his mouth and pulling it out with a fistful of teeth.  
"Everyone take your seats, class is in session." oh, what do you know? Ol' Ginjou was saved by the bell.  
I went out of class and made a quick escape to the roof, it annoys me to admit, but I was so irked by Ginjou's sad attempts to making fun of me in class so much that I couldn't concentrate. My hands were balled up so hard it felt like my fingers cramped up when I flexed them. I opened the door leading to the roof and closed it quickly behind myself, I walked over to a spot in which I wouldn't be seen if someone got out through the door and I was startled by someone there.  
"Oh shit-" She cursed and tried to flick away the ash that fell on her expensive skirt. I stood there dumbly watching her, and I guess she didn't like that "You better not tell anyone about this, I'll ruin your life."  
She warned, I snorted and sat in front of her, bringing a cigarette out of my pocket and lighting it.  
"don't worry, it's probably already is." I chuckled.  
Her eyes narrowed and then she widened them with recognition "You're the guy... from the video."  
I take a drag and nod "yep, that's me." So much for peace and quiet. We sat for a moment in silence, I could see she felt uncomfortable with my tone.  
"did... did they put something in your drink?" she asked quietly.  
"no, I did it because I wanted to. Someone just happen to catch it in film." I hate these questions 'did you get drugged?' 'did someone force you to do it?' 'were you threatened?' Fucking no.  
"oh, sorry. Didn't mean to pry, not like I'm a cop or something, everyone has their shit right?"  
I watched her stab the butt on the concrete floor and pull out another one.  
"I didn't know that the famous and royal Kuchiki Rukia smoked, aren't you like, to high class for this shit? anyway, if I'd known, I think that cigars would be more your thing."  
She scoffed "if my brother would have known he'd kill me and disown me at the same time. And for the record, cigars make me feel like I'm an old wrinkly petty man that has too much cash to know what to do with."  
"so you mean your grandfather?" I blurted it before actually thinking about it so I looked at her to gauge her reaction, and to my surprise, she had an evil looking smirk on her face.  
"exactly."  
we laughed and sat quietly until she finished her second smoke.  
"welp" she got up and dusted her clothes "I need to go. don't talk to me in class, I'll get in trouble for knowing you."  
I watched her leave with my cigarette burning between my fingers "you wouldn't have to worry about that."

It's gym class, my now most hated class in school. I walk into the school gymnasium in my jersey, and of course, I get some leers and sarcastic catcalls from my classmates. But honestly, the main reason why I hate this class is because my co-star is having it with me.  
"Yo Ichigo." He's calling my name, I ball my fists and stuff them into my pockets, I can't let him see me crack. I'd rather fucking die.  
"What?" I answer with a bored tone cloaking my voice. Here he is, walking towards me with this ever confident air around him, the fucker. Nnoitora Jiruga, I was so fucking into him it was bad, and, well, look what it got me.  
"What are ya so salty about? I'm just saying hi." He scoffed and smirked widely. Nonchalance oozing out of every pore on his body. I scowl "I'ts never just something simple with you, don't lie to me."  
"Tch, I dunno, I thought maybe you were getting pretty lonely these past days. Thought I could help." He stepped closer until he towered over me. Y'know, Iv'e known that he only wanted to fuck me from the start, but seeing him keep trying to do that now is just... Infuriating.  
"Back off Nnoitora, I don't want anything to do with you, Iv'e already told you." I walked away from him, to the locker rooms, I needed to get away, to unclench my jaw, to be alone for a second.  
"Oi where'ya goin'?" He called for me, grabbed my arm and trapped me between him and the wall.  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" I exclaimed, he pushed me further back and slid his hand down my waist.  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing Ichigo? Walking away from me like that..." he breathed into my ear "was a stupid fucking decision."  
Nnoitora managed to get his hand under the waistband of my gym shorts, cupping a handful of my ass as he licked my neck. I pushed him away from me as fast as I could.  
"Get away from me." I growled.  
There was confusion on his face. his brow arched as he scoffed at me.  
"Stop playing Ichigo, you want this."  
I felt shock hitting my body, I can't believe this is happening. I stared at him like a deranged animal who's about to bite off its leg to get out of the trap he's fallen in. And here, my predator, slowly coming closer, closing in on me. I could only push past him and walk fast back to the rest of the class.  
"Oh, here's Kurosaki." I heard someone say "finally done with your play date in the locker rooms?"  
My blood boiled, I turned and saw who it was, Menoly, watching me with an amused, condescending smirk on her face. I madly stomped closer to her, I was breathing hard, my heart going a mile a minute, and I already have a headache.  
"Bitch, you better watch your mouth before I cut it open."

"Now, Kurosaki Ichigo, you know why you're here." Principle Yamamoto spoke with dread in his voice while watching me sitting in the same uncomfortable chair in his office "I will not tolerate this sort of behavior in my school, you do not threaten my students, more so with such disgusting language." his lip curled, I removed my gaze to the deep red carpet under my sneakers "even after that whole scenario you continue to make trouble, I don't know how many chances I can give you anymore."  
My jaw hurt.  
"Do you have anything to say for your behavior?"  
I sighed heavily and leveled my gaze with his "yes, I actually do." A long white eyebrow arched "I don't know why... but you are treating me like I'm the villain here, like I've asked for this. You're poorly dealing with a situation concerning your student's life and experience in this school. I've never had this much dread fill my body when I wake up in the morning, I can't concentrate and I can't do anything! I'm not some puppet that can take any kind of beating and not feel a thing!" 


	2. In times of peril the sky is the bluest

I look at the slip of paper in my hand. It says 'suspension', in bold red letters next to the school emblem. Goatface is going to kill me, or just keep not talking to me. Doesn't matter. I crumple it and stuff it in my pocket, starting to drag my feet to where I chained my bike. I was silent, biting the inside of my cheek, I was eager to get away from this place, but I'm also afraid that Goatface might be home. Suddenly I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, I flinched and smacked it away harshly, I look at my offender with a glare.  
"uh..." He stammered, blue eyes and shocking blue hair, Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez, the school's star running back.  
"Don't fucking touch me." I seethed at him, he was still holding the hand I hit.  
"O-okay." he answered uncertainly, I raised my brow at his weird behavior and continued my way to my bike.

I didn't go out of my room, I waited to hear that Goatface is asleep so I can work on my own shuteye. I was afraid he'd heard about what had happened, I still don't know if he knows. I slept though the afternoon the next day, and woke up from the buzzer of the doorbell. I lifted my head and stared bleary eyed at my door.  
"Hold on!"  
I yell with a rasp, I press my hands to my face and get up. I drag my body down the stairs and open the door. wincing as the sunlight hit my eyes.  
"hi." My eyes adjust and widen. I kept staring at him incredulously "Uh.. Can I... Talk to you?"  
"What do you want Jeagerjaquez?"  
His eyes shifted from the floor to the entrance door and lastly to my shirtless body. my brow raised.  
"Fuck... I-listen..." he kept stuttering and starting over sentences, until I've had enough watching him with confusion and mild annoyance.  
I sighed "do you want to come in?"

I left Jeagerjaquez in the living room with a glass of water as I was washing my face and brushing my teeth. When I came back down the stairs he still sat motionless, staring at his offered glass.  
"So" I say as I walk into his line of vision, startling him in the process "what do you want?"  
He huffed "I heard you, in the principle's office yesterday. I thought that wasn't right, what happened to you."  
I regarded him with a skeptical gaze, his blue eyes watching me intensely.  
"Okay? What do you want me to do with this information? Reward you? Give you a cookie? Deep throat your dick?"  
"What?! No! I-I just wanted to say that I'll have your back, you should tell someone about this! people should go to prison for doing things like this! Not parading around and asking you for sex!"  
He was yelling while blushing with anger, dumbfound that I actually joked about rewarding him with sexual pleasure. I went to open the big window in the living room and plopped myself on an armchair, snagging a cigarette from my carton on the coffee table.  
"That wouldn't change a thing. I think you're misunderstanding something here." I say as I inhale smoke.  
He calmed down from yelling and regarded me with a curious look "how so?"  
"I wasn't raped." I shrug.  
He averted his gaze "I wasn't talking about... that." My scowl resurfaced while watching him toy with the glass, then he scowled and faced me head-on "I meant about the video. You were filmed with another guy, plus you're still a minor, and it's being used against you even by the school. You shouldn't take that kind of shit."  
His angry gaze startled me, I now know why everyone thinks so highly of him. He's as serious as a heartbeat, and you wouldn't want to mess with him. never mind the fact that he's easy on the eyes. but somehow, seeing him all fired up like that, made me feel a sort of building in my stomach and I laughed, I can't believe that the only person that sees me as an equal of a human being is someone I wasn't even in contact in. I mean, we never even exchanged words at school. All I know about Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez is that he's a hot-blooded jock that's always has everyone's balls in his back pocket without actually doing anything, it's like people had a silent agreement of crowning him king. And now, here is his Majesty, stuttering and shifting in his seat while I laugh so hard I have stomach cramps.  
"Kurosaki..." he sighs and gets up to leave "I wanna protect you."  
I finally catch my breath and look at him with a dull gaze, feeling my inferiority crawling up my back "What's in it for you?"  
He scowled, upset that I am not taking this as seriously as he had hope I would "Nothing." he then up and left.  
I heard the sound of the door closing and leaned back to rest my head on the couch, watching the smoke from my cigarette twirl around the living room. Nothing huh? that's rich. 


	3. Cowards live the longest, saddest lives

For the rest of the week of my suspension I spent time in my room, seriously, I almost never got out. Only to go to the bathroom or to eat something. It was quiet and peaceful, the only thing I heard was the rummaging downstairs, my dad going about his business as if he dosent know that I've locked myself up. The thought made me bury my face into my pillow, I don't know how that made me feel. But today is the last day and surprisingly I've finished all of my cigarettes, so it was time to go outside and get some more. I scowled at my wall in thought, and huff as I dragged my body to the shower, it was time, and if I'm going to the outside world I should at least smell like a living person in stead of the opposite. The entrance door to my house looked a little scarier than a week ago, how did it change so much? It's a door for fuck's sake. And I felt as if it's challenging me.  
"tch."  
I pushed myself out and looked around, there was no one outside, I looked at my phone and noticed that it was eleven o'clock in the morning, so that means that everyone is at work, or at school. Good. I started walking in the direction of the small convinence store near here, the walk seemed longer, though the fresh air was nice, and the sun felt good and forgiving on my skin, but as much as I wanted to stay outside on my leisurely walk, I wanted a cigarette more, and when I got what I wanted, I just wanted to get home and hole up in my room again. So I made my way back though the quiet street.

"what are you doing here Jeagerjaquez?" I asked as I saw him playing with the fat neighborhood cat that sneaks into my lawn from time to time, his eyes were shining but his face remaind serious, which made it hard for me to know if he was enjoying himself or not with the fat blob pawing at the stick he was holding. Once he heared me he stood up and straightened his backpack, making the cat notice me and trottle his chubby form to greet me.  
"I'm here to give you your school work."  
I leaned down to scratch the feline's head as I sighed "we're not even in the same class."  
"I wanted to." My brow rose at that, and I tried to step over the cat that's rubbing himself on my legs "Burrito, man, I gotta go." I shoo him lightly and pass the blue haired weirdo that's been waiting at my doorstep, when I noticed that he wasn't following me to the entrance I called over "do you want to come in or what?"

The setting was the same as last time, Jeagerjaquez sitting on the couch and me perched on the armchair, smoking. He eyed me for a moment and then I saw a faint smirk gracing his features "that cat's name is Burrito?"  
Somehow that made me feel slightly embarrassed, I didn't intend for him to hear that, so I scowled and barked at him "I dunno, it's not mine, I just call him that."  
His smirk grew significally when he saw me get flustered "that's a strange name" I clicked my tongue "it's adequate, you've seen how fat he is." I snapped back.  
"okay." he stopped finally, seeing as I was getting more hostile than the regular amount "you do know that he's a she right?" My eyes widened and I exclaimed with bewilderment "Burrito's a girl?!"  
"...yes." he nodded, being suddenly quiet. The moment that followed made me feel self conscious, so I took a long drag, to let my hands do something. Jeagerjaquez then pulled out papers out of his bag and arranged them in a specific order on the coffee table "you have a quiz two days from now-" he started explaining and pointing out information, but I listened half heartedly because the thing that had my attention was this guy that has nothing to do with me, sitting in my living room. I watched as his toned arms flexed when he moved them and how thick and full his lashes were, they have a rich dark blue color and they were presented to me unconsciously as he looked down at the papers.  
"Oi." I stopped him mid sentence and he levled his gaze with mine "why are you doing this, for real."  
His eyes watched me sharply, and I noticed how slanted they are, which made me feell like they were zeroing in on me, his high cheekbones defining his face "I do this because I want to."  
That made me snort, placing my chin in the palm of my hand "oh yeah? Because everyone wants to tutor some misfit in their free time, fun for the whole family." I mocked.  
He scowled hard and glared at me "I'm not doing this because it's fun for me, Kurosaki." he commanded me for serious attention.  
I didn't like the tone of his voice, it ran a shiver down my spine, a bad one, and I mustered a scowl of my own, feeling a distinctive rage from being belittled "No one asked you to. You can go fuck right off, there's the door." I spat gesturing with my chin to the exit and gettin up.  
"that's not what I-"  
"-save it Jeagerjaquez." I passed him and turned "I don't know why you get off on playing hero, but im not some damsel in distress. Get out." I fucking dare you to do something.  
He stood and lowered his hands to his sides, scowl intact and lips pressed tight, he took his bag, walked out, leaving all the notes he brought with him on the table.

School was in session, and here I was hiding away on the roof, though I'd never admit to hiding, which brings me to the fourth cigarette dangling from my lips, making it look like I'm actually doing something here and not stalling for god knows what. I heared a creak of metal and flinched, looking at the exit door to the roof open.  
"oh." "oh."  
It was Kuchiki Rukia, we greeted each other lamely and she smiled evilly, I found that since I've seen that expression on her face, it's the most suiting her.  
"did I scare you?" she asked smugly, knowing that she did.  
I clicked my tongue and looked away with a scowl, ignoring her. It didn't make her feel unwelcome in the least as she sat herself carefully next to me, fishing a box of smokes with delicate fingers.  
"got a light?" I flicked open the lighter and positioned it in front of her, she leaned down and sucked on the smoke, keeping it from going out. Her pretty skirt was folded carefully around her, she always wore these type of clothes, knee length, modest, expensive, doll-ish clothes. "I've heared that you started a wave of suspensions, didn't know you were that popular." she smirked smugly.  
My brows pulled together in confusion "what do you mean?"  
Her big dark eyes shifted to look at the sky "One of them was that guy who was with you... Tall, long black hair, the basketball player-"  
My eyes narrowed in annoyance "-I really don't care what happens to him, sorry princess." I knew exactly who she was talking about.  
She frowned at me for cutting her off but in a second she had that evil expression again "well, I think you'd like to know that there was a fight, and he was beaten pretty bad too, didn't leave a scratch on the other guy."  
Now that peaked my interests, finally someone did it, finally someone kicked Nnoitora's ass, it couldn't have been me, Yamamomto would have me expelled on the spot, he already hates me. I pulled on my cigarette and faced her with a content smile "oh yeah? Who should I send my regards to then?"  
Rukia chuckled, her laugh was sweet, pushing her cheeks upwards. When she calmed down she flicked some ash away "it was that guy, the so called king, Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez..." my hand stopped mid way to my face, she fortunately didn't notice that, and kept thinking out loud "it's strange, he never got into fights, but at least he was suspended since yesterday, so his fan club didn't make much noise in class."  
That fucking idiot, now it makes sense why he was in front of my house in the middle of the day. What the fuck does he want with me? Going so far as to fight someone?  
"hey, you okay?" big eyes watched in confusion as she slanted her head "you look upset."  
I scratched my head and huffed "yeah, I'm fine."  
"I don't know if it's true, but, some people say that they fought because of you."  
I clenched my jaw and spat "you sure know of a lot of rumors."  
She shrugged "it's good to know about them so you could stay out of them."  
"and yet, here you are, with the school's slut, sharing a smoke break for a second time." I snapped, my tone acidic. I heared her shuffle in her seat, we were quiet, and I was tense. My fist balled up again and I looked away from her, I don't know if I'm overreacting or not but I don't have the energy for that, I was staying up here for some peace of mind after all.  
"I never said you were." came her shy reply, I huddled into myself, bringing my knees to my chest "to be honest, I'm envious of you. You just did what you wanted, it's not your fault that everyone's so immature and stupid. I'm just too much of a coward to live as I please."  
I looked at her, her position copied mine, and she hid her nose behind her arm, on her knees.  
"sorry, for snapping at you..." I said awkwardly.  
She scowled and punched me "you don't have to apologize." she blushed, she actually blushed. I stared at her in awe, making her scowl deeper and look away "this is getting too sentimental, I'm gonna go." she dusted off her skirt as she got up and left, the heavy door creaking behind her.

After the talk with Rukia, let's say I wasn't surprised when I saw my desk filled with writings saying 'you better watch your back', 'stay away from him' and the most original one; 'whore'. I bit the inside of my cheek, thank you, king, you've helped me so much. I think sarcastically to myself. I heared giggling and noticed the girls from Rukia's class watching with mirth. I sighed, I wanna go home. 


	4. Communication is key

"dude, you SERIOUSLY need to stay the hell away from me." Here he was again, sitting on my porch with Burrito in his lap, he held her in his arms and got up "I wanted to apologi-"  
"and you can't just sit and wait for me in front of my house, what are you, a stalker? What if my dad sees you?" I scowl and stop in front of him.  
His thin lips pressed together "I'll tell him I'm your friend." answered with determination.  
I scoffed "you can't do that, he'll think-" I stopped mid sentence, that's just a bit too much information I was about to give out. Jeagerjaquez raised a brow.  
"what's the matter?"  
I huffed "never mind, stop coming here, and stop talking to me."  
Burrito was snuggling into his broad chest, clearly enjoying herself. His face was stone cold as ever, but it looked like he didn't know what to do. And the fucker didn't go away. I then saw a familiar car nearing us, making my heart jump in fright.  
"fuck." I cursed under my breath and stormed inside, pulling the blue haired moron with me.  
"what happened?" he asked alert.  
"tch, it's my dad. Come one I gotta hide you." We bolted up the stairs and made it into my room, I closed the door, leaning on it and we both were huffing, well, not so much with mister running back over there.  
"murrow."  
I scowled "you took Burrito with you?!" I exclaimed in a whisper.  
The tall teenager looked lost as the chubby cat was almost sliding out of his hold, making flabs of fat pull under it's armpits "we can let her outside the window." he offered in panic.  
I jumped and held his hands in place "No! No no! Are you an idiot!? She's too fat to climb down the tree! We have to keep her quiet and we're home free, my dad dosent come into my room anyway."  
We sat in silence as I strained my ears to hear what was going on downstairs. If he would catch me here with Jeagerjaquez he'll think we were doing something. I felt my stomach tighten and a new flare of rage ignited inside me as I watched him scratch at a big round belly, trying to keep the cat quiet.  
"why the fuck did you have to come here? You're making my life that much harder." I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.  
Blue eyes looked up at me, the blue in them shining with the sunlight from the window "I didn't mean to."  
I heared the front door close again, goatface just came here to grab something. I exhaled a relieved breath when I heared the engine running again and the car getting further and further away.  
"why did you fight Nnoitora?" Blue brows pulled "he was running his mouth, saying things about you..."  
"-oh my god!" I face palmed "just tell me what you want from me goddamit! You're making the whole school hate me even more, they all think that I have a thing with you." I point at him accusingly. His blue eyes widened and his brows went to his hairline "are you in love with me or something?" I asked disbelievingly.  
"I-I just think you deserve basic respect." he muttered "plus I hate that guy anyway." he added with a huff and a bitter grumblr.  
"how the fuck are you the most popular guy in school...?" I scowled in bewilderment.  
He perked up "I'm not! What are you talking about?" he asked angrily. He's an idiot, a complete and utter protozoan "why are you looking at me like that?" he puffed out his chest, there was a blush forming on his high cheek bones.  
Oh, oh my god. I don't believe this, does he like me and not understand it? It must be it right? Maybe if we'll fool around he'd get tired of me and everything would end. I near his sitting form, shooing Burrito out of his lap and push him down, leaning over him. His eyes widened and he looked confused.  
"what are you doing?"  
My hand slid under his shirt and I felt a nice shiver go over my body, ah... He's so solid. I licked my lips in delight. I pushed his shirt up and marveled at his sculpted torso, but then I noticed a dark bruise on his ribs. Guess Nnoitora snuck one in after all. I leaned down and kissed the spot, I owe him at least this much for doing what I wanted for so long.  
"Kurosaki."  
I placed my ass on his groin, trying to guess how big he is with my body.  
"Oi."  
Then I sat up and pulled my shirt over my head, but somehow, I was stuck, it didn't pull.  
"Kurosaki! What are you doing?" Jeagerjaquez repeated and pulled my shirt down in one swift motion, causing it to slip from my fingers.  
"we're going to fuck, and you're going to leave me alone after this." he leaned on his elbows, watching me from below.  
"I'm not going to fuck you." he scowled, face red as a tomato, it's good that he's tan, you wouldn't notice that from afar.  
I scoffed and rocked my hips a little, he sucked in a breath "oh really? It seems like you want to though, I can feel you down there." I ran a finger down the trail of dark blue hair disappearing into his jeans.  
That strong jaw clenched, and he brought his hands to grip my hips, shit it felt nice. But he pushed me away instead. I sat there on the floor, in shock.  
"what the fuck's your problem?!" I exclaimed, making him flinch.  
Blue eyes widened, and then narrowed in anger and something very akin to hurt "what's my problem? I should ask you the same thing! Why are you jumping me like that?!"  
"that's what you wanted isn't it? That's why you're at my house again, waiting for me like a lost puppy!" I mocked him.  
"I'm just trying to help!" he shouted.  
I scoffed and cackled "oh, how, pray tell Jeagerjaquez, are you helping me? You've just made everything worse!" I threw a shirt I had on the floor at him in a fit of rage, he wasn't fast enough to stop it from hitting his face, I took that chance to hide my stinging eyes "I just want everything to go back to normal, I wanna be a nobody again, I want to go to school without anybody saying something sexually degrading about me all around and I want my fucking dad to look me in the eye for once this whole month!" I looked up, feeling my eyes overflowing and my voice about to crack "and you! Mister 'hero' just come here like we're long time friends, making everything worse, I don't even know you! You don't know shit about me either, except for the fact that I sucked someone off on camera!" Ah, it was already too late, here I was sobbing into my palm, trying to hide my snot covered face from him. He just sat there and waited, I didn't dare look at him, I didn't want to see what kind of expression his eyes make when he feels pity.  
"I know that you are very caring." I heared him suddenly say softly "I saw you, once when there was the dog that got beaten by some guys from our school, you brought it water and stayed with him until the animal shelter people came to help. And how you are strong, and beat up the punks who used to gang up on you after school but don't do that anymore cause they're scared. You're smart, and always at the top ten of our grade and you don't take shit." I hiccuped watching him talk soothingly, he didn't make any step to get close to me, which I was thankful for "but you smoke too much." he finished, scrunching his nose in mild disgust.  
"tch." I chuckled with a scowl, my face was probably so red it was embarrassing "do you want something to drink? I can make a really good chai latte." I offered him.  
His eyes shone, and of course, his face reamined as serious as a heartbeat when he nodded. 


	5. Defense can be a vicious offense

I actually want to write something to you but I seriously don't know what, like, I want to have interactions, and discussions and stuff but I don't know how to do it? But I guess it's okay... I'm just trying to write as much as I can cause I'm really bad at sticking to things until the end..

I sighed, exhaling smoke and thanking every god there is that it's breezy tonight, it was too hot in the club, and my so called date hadn't arrived yet. You know, I love booty calls, I really do. So I was happy to get one after the whole scenario with Jeagerjaquez, it really threw me into a loop, trying to understand what kind of ulterior motive he had with me, I blame that for being sexually frustrated lately. I mean, with everything that's going on, how could I go and scout for dick? I was scared that someone would see me, or, I don't know, I'll be even a bigger whore than what everyone thinks I am. But remembering what Rukia said to me, gave me the courage to take care of my libido, I'm a sexually active hormonal teenager. I can't help it.  
"yo." I flinched away from the hot breath that fanned my ear and scowled at my offender "tch, took you long enough." I scold playfully.  
Here he is, I've forgotten how good he looked as he gave me toothy grin, Renji Abarai.  
"sorry, I got caught up with work."  
I could smell his expensive cologne surrounding me, and I mentally swooned. Stabbing the rest of my cigarette on the concrete wall. He's tall, his body is covered with tattoos and he has this rich, thick, crimson hair that falls to his waist. I honestly can't wait until we get someplace quiet, to his place I mean.  
"it's alright, I didn't wait that long. You ready to go?" I couldn't help but smirk, thinking of all the dirty things I can do to him and vise versa.  
He chuckled and stepped closer to me, circling my waist and pressing his lips to my ear "well well, aren't we eager today."  
Oh, buddy, you don't even know. I felt his strong arm press me close to his body, and the other one, cupping my neck. My lips ghosted over his and I slowly closed my eyes.  
"Kurosaki?"  
My eyes widened in a split second. No, no no no no no. Renji looked to me, and then to the person calling my name with a scowl.  
"Oi, let go of him." Fuck. I heared him coming closer.  
"what do you want smurf boy?" Renji barked in annoyance, and I pulled on his shirt to get away.  
"the fuck did you just call me?" He sounded surprised, and instead of laughing like I usually would I looked at my date "Renji, could you... Give me a second?"  
Renji raised a tattooed brow "that your boyfriend or something?"  
I scowled in exasperation "what? No! Just... Just give us a moment." he eyed the man behind me skeptically with a frown, I sighed and clicked my tongue, releasing myself from his hold "please." I asked and he huffed a breath and nodded, going to wait for me in his car.  
"Kurosaki, are you oka-?"  
"yes, Jeagerjaquez. I'm fine." I turned to look at him with annoyance, his face was a little flushed and his eyes were glassy "are you drunk?"  
"was that your boyfriend?" he scowled at Renji sitting in his car.  
I rolled my eyes and tiredly answered "no, he isn't." I face palmed.  
Blue eyes shifted to my face and he stepped closer, he looked worried "then, why... Why was he holding you like that?"  
Dread filled my body, and I stammered "l-listen..." I didn't even want to tell him what I was doing, but he watched me so intensely, trying to understand if I'm being molested or not "fuck." I cursed and scratched at my neck.  
"Oi." he took my arm to turn me to him, his voice lowered and rasped "is everything okay?"  
I look at his serious expression with resentment. Maybe this is what I need to do, maybe if I told him that I'm trying to have casuall sex this whole peculiar relationship I have with him and his uncompresensible need to keep me by his side would go away and I can go back to sticking to the sidelines, waiting for some other high school drama to take the spotlight instead of my own. "You're interrupting us, he was about to take me home. Now, please let me go, and go home, drink some water or whatever, you're drunk and I don't like you touching me like this in front of him."  
His scowl intensified, and his mouth opened to give a retort but he rightfully shut it a second later. My arm was released and he clenched his fist and jaw.  
"sorry." he said, how simple.  
I looked at him one last time and turned to leave "bye Jeagerjaquez."  
I made my way to Renji's car wanting to bolt into it, and maybe Renji would be pissed enough and run me over, but I kept a normal pace as I walked away, sliding in the passenger seat.  
"what was that all about?" he asked me with confusion on his face.  
I heaved a sigh "I'm so sorry, that's just some stupid shit. Can we go back to your place?" I looked at him pleadingly "I could really use a good fuck."  
Thank the heavens for Renji, the easy going, good natured, well equipped hot guy. He snorted and laughed "whatever you want Ichigo, I'm at your service."

"want some?" Renji offered me a fat blunt, his voice was tense, trying to keep the smoke down.  
I melted into his comfortable sheets, content and fully sated "no thanks." We were in his bedroom, the after glow of being entangled with eacthother still wafting around us and I rummaged in his nightstand to get myself a cigarette "pass me the lighter." I said, holding the smoke between my lips.  
He threw it in my lap lazily, watching me with hazed eyes.  
"damn Ichigo, how long has it been since you got some?" I groaned "let's not talk about that."  
He snickered "okay, okay. I won't."  
I glanced at him trough the smoky air "why did you call me suddenly, I haven't heared from you in a long time." I leaned on my side, to look at him better.  
Renji's mouth pulled at the corners and he took a hit "I got dumped."  
"I didn't know you had a boyfriend." I scowled.  
He snorted "well, I don't anymore. So nothing's changed, technically." I chuckled "I gotta get going." my legs hit the floor and I started to look for my discarded clothes.  
"you need a ride home?"  
I scoffed "thanks but no. The last thing I need right now is my dad seeing me get dropped off in the middle of the night."  
Renji looked at me sternly, and I ignored that look. I hope I didn't offend him by turning his offer down, but I really need to get going, I'm tired, and it's a school night. I got dressed and walked up to his front door.  
"Ichigo." Renji called me before I walked out, I raised a brow in question "everything will work out. Text me when you get home okay?" he grinned.  
I let an amused breath though my nose "thank you, Renji." 


	6. Digital connection

I've had one of the most horrible days ever and it's still the middle of the day, I am afraid of how it will end guys... But I know I skipped a couple of weeks of posting because I worked a ton and partied hard too much, and now I got myself sick but I still have to go to work cause my boss is an asshole. Now it's going to be a little more calm and I hope I'll get a ton of writing done!

I was sipping coffee in the kitchen, I have about ten more minutes before I need to get going to school. I blow softly on the surface of the beverage, it's quite at my house today too. Suddenly, I heared a door open and I tensed. Goat face didn't go to work early today? I didn't move an inch as I heared him coming out of his bedroom and down the stairs. I held my breath when I heard him stop at the bottom, probably noticing me. He kept moving into the kitchen, to pour himself a cup of black coffee.  
"morning..."  
I said quietly, holding my own. I didn't dare look at him when he turned to look at me. It felt like forever, and my brows pulled together with tension, fucking say something. My fingers tensed, squeezing the hot porcelain. He grunted, made some noise from the back of his throat, almost not acnoleging me before leaving for the door. And I was left there, sitting at the kitchen like I'm some stranger who shouldn't even be here. My jaw hurt from clenching my teeth together.

The ride on my bike was stale, I didn't feel the sun warming me up, or the wind going over my body and through my clothes and hair, even the cigarette I had in my mouth didn't have that bitter, burning taste I was so used to. I went a little slower so I could pluck it from my mouth and flick away the ash that almost fell on my shirt.  
"Oi, Kurosaki! What that mouth do!"  
I clicked my tongue. I don't want to do this. My face was frowning. It's Ginjou, of course it's him, what the fuck did I think? That I could start over? Maybe Jeagerjaquez went and told everyone that I was busy getting pounded in the ass last night.  
"what, don't tell me you can't handle this dick right here!"  
I just stopped. My bike skidded a little bit on the pavement and I let it fall to the ground, walking back to the direction of the grease covered fucker. He had this air around him, like he's got me in his trap. It was him, and a couple of other guys, probably his friends.  
"Ginjou why the fuck did you call out to him, he's going to give us all AIDS." one of them mocked.  
I took a very long last drag from my cigarette and watched them. "the fuck are you staring at me for? You want some cock in yer trap?"  
I threw away the butt, and rolled my shoulders.  
"you should watch your fucking mouth when you're talking to me." I said calmly, and slammed a fist into his mouth.

I've decided I'm going to stay at home today. I have a small hole between my knuckles, it was left by one of Ginjou's teeth. Three on one wasn't such a big deal, those guys don't know how to fight for shit, and the main idiot hadn't learned anything since the last timeI fucked him up. But sadly, I wasn't feeling the same satisfaction I had hoped I would, it felt dull. Parking my bike in the garage, I went upstairs and fell into my bed with a heavy sigh. And I just lay there, I don't know how much time I wasted but the sun was in the middle of the sky when I heared the doorbell ring. I don't have the will to go down there and open the door, it's too much trouble. I bury my face and groan when the person kept ringing irritably. "just fucking leave, there's no one here." I complained quietly in frustration.  
And surprisingly, there was silence again. I sighed, that was stressful, waiting for someone to go away already. It's annoying.  
I heared a knock on my window, and I raised my head quickly in disbelief to see what's going on.  
Blue eyes widened when they saw me and he opened my window. Balancing on the tree he was sitting on to get inside.  
"Oi, what do you think your doing?!" I yelled at him as he sat on my bed and closed the window behind himself.  
"Idiot, you're covered in blood." he frowned.

I didn't notice that, half of my sheets were smeared in it, my shirt was sticking to my skin with it. And I didn't notice that at all. Jeagerjaquez was helping me clean it up as I was taking a shower. I walked out with some shorts on.  
"let's get you patched up." We were sitting quietly, he wrapped a bandage around my hand, and was cleaning a scratch I had on my cheek.  
"stop moving away." he muttered, concentrated.  
"it stings." I complained in anger. It's obvious I'd move away when you're pressing it so hard, idiot.  
he ignored me "I saw what you did to Ginjou. It was nice work." he smirked when he closed the first aid kit on his lap.  
"did he rat me out?" Blue eyes shifted to look into my kitchen "don't know, but you better be careful, Yamammoto is an ass."  
I snorted "tell me about it."  
He chuckled with me and angled his head cheekily "well? Don't I get a reward?"  
my brows pulled as I glared at him in anger, what the fuck do you mean, you come into my house, act all friendly, think-  
"I meant that you'd make me that chai latte you did last time." he quickly blushed and elaborated.  
"oh." I dumbly answered, an embarrassed flush spread across my own face. "I'll make it for you, hold on." I stammered and bolted from my seat, making it hurriedly to take my mind off the last couple of minutes.  
"mmm thanks." he licked the frothy soy milk from his upper lip.  
"you're welcome." I sat with a glass of water in front of myself.  
His eyes narrowed slightly, actually matching his serious face "so what happened today?" I scowled "uh, you were with me this whole time? You know." "I meant before that, you never would have pounced on Ginjou, you would always just humilliate him. Something bad happened didn't it?"  
"are you stalking me?" I accused him, not really knowing how to react.  
"no. Your exchanges are always the talk of the school, Ginjou has a big mouth, and he's an idiot to boot."  
I scoffed "it's so nice to know that I'm a consistent source of entertainment." "I don't think he'll bother you as much now though." he smiled.  
My lips matched his, though I tried to stop myself. Ah, there goes my angry front, it seems to crack the more we hang out. I mentally scoffed, we hang out when he barges into my house, making me invite him over, and now he also broke in.  
"you have an expression of someone that thinks of badly of me."  
I snorted "how do you know it was you."  
Blue eyes rolled "well, you smiled at me, and little by little, you started scrunching your face up, as if you smell something spoiled, while looking directly at my face. That's a pretty dead giveaway."  
I pressed my lips into a thin line "yeah, I was thinking about how you just invite yourself into my house." I deadpanned.  
Jeagerjaquez chuckled "well how about you come to my house next time?"  
I eyed him for a good moment and took a sip of water before I answered boredly "I'll think about it."  
He nodded lightly, accepting my half assed answer patiently. His eyes danced around the kitchen before he felt like opening his mouth again.  
"u-uh, Kurosaki, I... I'm sorry about yesterday." he stammered, going back to how he was in the beginning.  
Dread filled my chest, remembering the night before, when Jeagerjaquez walked in on me getting picked up by Renji. I swallowed my spit and nodded in acnolegment, before leaning my elbows on the counter.  
"I thought you were going to tell." I managed to blurt out.  
A blue brow rose "tell what?"  
I sighed harshly, why can't he just understand? "tell about what you saw me do last night." I press out.  
Jeagerjaquez licked his lips in thought "I wouldn't. I told you, I want to protect you." I felt a heavy blush spread across my cheeks. Is this guy for real? This is extremely embarrassing, how can he say stuff like that with a straight face? I turned to look away, feeling like I'm handling half of the humiliation he should be feeling as well as the secondhand part that I got forcefully.  
"alright Bruce Wayne, cut it out. I can't even look at you right now." I said as I covered half of my face with the palm of my hand.  
He huffed "you're making me sound pretentious." oh, he pouts now too.  
A heavy sigh escaped my lips and I scratched at my neck, slumping back in the kitchen chair "do you pity me Jeagerjaquez? Is that it?"  
He jumped in his seat, looking startled "no! I'm not, I know you can handle yourself." he averted his eyes "it's just that I want to lend a hand y'know? This decision is my own, I don't have an ulterior motive." he finished with a glare.  
He looks so determined, jaw set and eyes zeroing in on my own, but I've never been the type to appreciate this kind of thing, so when I let loose a strangled cackle he looked deflated.  
"oh man" I managed to say while clamping my lips shut to not let another burst out "I'm sorry. Really."  
"there is nothing I can say that will make you believe me is there?" he said to himself, frowning in thought and angling his head.  
I managed to calm down a little while I watched him thinking harder and harder "as I've said already, we don't know each other." I snapped him out of his thoughts.  
"what?!" his face scrunched with disbelief "we're friends!"  
"'friends.'" I repeat his statement with no enthusiasm whatsoever and a raise of my brow.  
His nostrils flared, but he didn't look angry, more like a kid throwing a tantrum "give me your phone." he offered me his calloused palm.  
I couldn't help my smirk as I leaned on the table, and eyed him playfully "why? You wanna sext me later?"  
This time, he didn't blush, nor did he seem flustered, did he figure me out? He didn't look amused, and waited for me to cluck my tongue and place my phone in his hand "now you'll have my number, and I could call before I break in your house." I grinned "at least you're aware of what you're doing."  
"I just know you have a dark sense of humor."  
"so you HAVE been stalking me." I leaned my chin in the palm of my hand, leaning closer to him playfully.  
He snorted as he handed me my phone back "psh, you wish, Kurosaki."  
"believe me, if my wishes would come true I would be living in a mansion with gigantic pool. Not have you bugging me all the time." I yawned and streched my arms.  
"That's not nice." he pouted.  
I felt a grin pull at my lips, it made me think of Rukia for some reason. I huffed and placed my chin in my hand, draping my body over my arms "thanks for helping me clean up."  
His blue eyes blinked, as if changing his mode, and he smiled a little "it's no problem." he stood from his chair "I should really get going, call me if any thing happenes okay?"  
Pulling on my shouders, I turned my face away from him in annoyance "I'll do that when you'll be my legal guardian."  
I heared him chuckle as he closed the door after himself. 


	7. Meetings and meet ups

I've had a peculiar thought flooding my mind lately, I think about it whenever I get to a quiet place, by myself. And, not to be depressing or anything, I don't know if I am. I'd rather not talk about it with anyone, I don't like it when people know what I'm thinking about, it's too personal. And maybe it's part of what I'm going through right now, but I've always been known to be a strong individual, both physically and mentally, I don't think about changing my ways, I have a strong sense of self I think, I can decipher what's right and wrong for me. I have all that, and more when I think about it, I'm smart, I could get into any university and I'll be a shoe in because of my grades, and I want to do something interesting, like softwear engineering, you know, build the first sentient robot or something similar. But to be perfectly honest with myself, if I were to die somehow, for example, a serious illness, or a car accident, I... Wouldn't mind it at all. I don't think of it as a scary thought, the thought comes to me calmly, I'll seriously and wholeheartedly be fine with just dying somehow. It dosent mean that I'll do something about it. I'm not suicidal. I wouldn't harm myself deliberately, that's just a waste of my time and effort I think. Plus I feel like it would make me look crazy, and get blamed or inflict blame on others around me, everyone would think that it was because I was harrased at school, or that it's because my dad wasn't there for me. And I honestly don't want that. The ideal is a quiet, and clam death, nobody is going to blame me, no one will feel guilty and no one will know about this thought. Simple.  
I zoned out again, watching my ceiling as if there could be something interesting going on there, it has been two more days, the time is four in the morning, it's always so cold right before the sun comes out, kinda poetic, and cheesy. I let out a sigh, I can't sleep anymore I guess. I'm not even hungry. Maybe I'll go to school tomorrow? I do have a test, it'd be bad if I skipped it. I need to keep my grades up. This sucks.  
I've decided that for the time being I'll go over the material, I've got three more hours of nothing before I'll need to get ready, at least I'm doing something. Everything went by in a blur, the ride to school, the rumors, the teachers, the test, and here I was again, sitting and smoking on the roof. I got a message from my phone, it snapped me back to the present, I shook my head and fished it out of my pocket. I snorted with a mocking expression.  
'Bruce Wayne.' he actually went and did it, I can't believe how much balls he has, or how much he isn't aware of himself. I opened the message.  
'where are you? I heared you're at school.'  
I scoffed again, and told him that I'm on the roof, and he shouldn't bother me. And then I heared the door creak.  
"oh, Kurosaki Ichigo, I haven't seen you here in a good while." a cheeky smile greeted me.  
A chuckle pulled on my belly "what's with the formal speech?"  
She rolled her eyes as she sat next to me "oh, you know, getting ready to be a proper lady and such. Lend me a cigarette?"  
Handing her the pack and leaned back to better look at her "what happened?"  
She hurriedly lighted the stick, and inhaled deeply, she must have hoped I'd be here since she's out of smokes, she must have been smoking more than the usual. The smoke was pushed out of her lungs with a huff "my brother hadn't been in the best of moods lately." she swallowed her spit "and he's been keeping himself busy by keeping me in check."  
"why has his mood gone sour?"  
She huffed, but before she could answer, we heared the door creak again. We both tensed visibly, this is very, very bad.  
"I am not bothering you!" Came in the annoyed blue eyes of the star running back. He looked to me, and then to Rukia, my eyes wend wide as I glanced at Rukia, and her eyes which already have been big, were as wide as dinner plates. This is worse.  
"Kuchiki? Are you guys friends?" he asked me.  
Rukia stood up quietly and stepped closer to the tall, wild blue haired guy that was taller than her by two heads. She grabbed the front of his shirt and looked him dead in his confused blue eyes.  
"do you value your life, Jeagerjaquez?"  
He scowled "what?"  
"you didn't see me here, got it? What happened here, didn't actually happen. Cause if you'll tell, I'll know. I know everything in this school, so I'm warning you only once. Got it?"  
He looked so confused, he dumbly nodded.  
Then the raven haired girl turned to me "you told him to get up here?"  
"what? No! I just told him where I am." I quickly defended.  
Rukia scowled in disbelief "why, are you his boyfriend or somthing?" she asked Jeagerjaquez, who in turn, turned into a blushing, and stuttering mess.  
"n-no!"  
and there I saw it, that little glint of evil in her eyes, and she was pretty upset before, I could only pray that the idiot will live through this, her smile turned wicked as she leered. "Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez, are you catching feelings for Ichigo? Were you worried about him? Were you about to go and defend his honor against some guy again? What do you think you are? Do you have a hero complex? Or are you just so bored with your life that you decided to take on Ichigo's?"  
Blue eyes burned, I can understand why, no one really knows the true face of Rukia Kuchiki, and I guess that if you did, you will not speak of it if you know what's good for you. I couldn't let the poor guy handle her all on her own, he looked too pathetic and shocked. I stood up and got in between them.  
"Rukia, he won't rat you out, don't worry."  
Those big dark eyes narrowed at me "how do you know?"  
I sighed, I shouldn't take this lightly, Rukia seems as serious as a heart beat, she really is scared that her family would somehow find out. What the fuck is going on in her house? I turned my gaze to Jeagerjaquez and he nodded in understanding.  
"I can keep a secret. I don't know why you want me to, but I get that you wouldn't want me knowing either."  
Rukia scoffed, and folded her arms on her chest without saying much else. I could tell she had her doubts, but she's going to hold on to his word, and probably get back at him if anything happens. She's very careful, extremely even. Grimmjow was holding her gaze, he is so tall, it's kind of amusing seeing them stand next to each other.  
"did you want something Jeagerjaquez?" I huff, scratching my head and suddenly feeling extremely tired.  
He blinked and focused his eyes on me, he licked his lips, preparing to say something but then he glanced at Rukia "uh, I wanted to invite you to our game tomorrow. It's supposed to big. The team we're playing against went to nationals last year so... Kuchiki, come too!" he included her and she lost the attitude for a second and looked interested.  
I was about to decline politely but before I could open my mouth Rukia piped "I've never been to a football game before. Is it fun?"  
Jeagerjaquez was a little taken aback by the statement, but didn't say anything about it. Instead he smiled brightly and nodded "yeah, there's food, and cheering and you'll probably get to see me get tackled to the ground a lot." he shrugged.  
I snorted "you suck that much?"  
Blue eyes were not affected by my words in the least and he puffed out his chest with a cheeky smile "actually, I'm pretty fucking good." he proudly stated.  
I honestly don't know much about football but he looked sure of himself. Rukia grabbed my arm and beamed "we'll go!"  
Jeagerjaquez's smile reached his eyes "awesome. It starts at eight." and left.  
I felt stressed, the whole school will probably be there. I don't know if I could do that. 


End file.
